Even in high school I got the feeling I was peculiar, especially when I was the only one who seemed to be outraged by the fact that one could not letter in jousting.
All of this led me to the final conclusion that, as crazy as this sounds, gentlemanly behavior and chivalry, as we know it, is a dead art form.
I fear that the era of white glove slapping and splurging soirees will never live again. I still dream at night of the day when I can walk into school only to find a sea of walking canes, coattails, and conversations describing the day’s lunch as a “weak farce that regales the stomach but cannot furnish the soul”. Unfortunately, until I get the administration to award my cause even the tiniest of victories, such as allowing a parking pass on my noble steed, I’m afraid that chivalry on a grand scale will never be what it once was.
Yes, I am living in the past. I know now that tea and crumpets are no longer acceptable or desired at a tailgating party before a football game, and that challenging another man to a duel simply because he insulted my honor is not acceptable school behavior. I’d therefore like to take this opportunity to apologize to the sophomore who I challenged to “pistols at dawn” for stealing my crumpet before the Minnetonka game; I now know there was a better way to handle that situation.
I’m even learning that women are different than they were when my version of chivalry would have been accepted. At a bonfire one evening, a group of young women informed me that they were fully satisfied with a toned down version of romance. Modern gentlemen, therefore, do not have to do the kinds of things that I was raised to believe would make a woman happy.
For example, men of today feel that the purchases that flatter a woman are jewelry and flowers, yet medieval history, or the “Golden Age” of chivalry as I like to call it, shows us that men bought women livestock as symbols of their affections. These days it seems like I’m the only one who still finds that tradition appropriate. Which reminds me that to the lucky lady that found a pig tied to her locker this morning, you’re welcome.
I guess what I’m saying is that times have changed, and instead of sitting around complaining about these darn kids and their “music with words in it”, I must adapt. What I used to think was just a bunch of hullabaloo and tomfoolery has now turned into the social norm.
So now every time I have the urge to talk down to someone that doesn’t know what part of France Merlot Vin de Pays de l’Ardeche comes from, or petition the administration to make public humiliation a form of punishment once again, I stop and remind myself to modernize. Though I still believe that if you’ve never witnessed a young madam’s scream of joy after finding a herd of cows in her room, your life has been nothing but hootenanny.
I fear that the era of white glove slapping and splurging soirees will never live again. I still dream at night of the day when I can walk into school only to find a sea of walking canes, coattails, and conversations describing the day’s lunch as a “weak farce that regales the stomach but cannot furnish the soul”. Unfortunately, until I get the administration to award my cause even the tiniest of victories, such as allowing a parking pass on my noble steed, I’m afraid that chivalry on a grand scale will never be what it once was.
Yes, I am living in the past. I know now that tea and crumpets are no longer acceptable or desired at a tailgating party before a football game, and that challenging another man to a duel simply because he insulted my honor is not acceptable school behavior. I’d therefore like to take this opportunity to apologize to the sophomore who I challenged to “pistols at dawn” for stealing my crumpet before the Minnetonka game; I now know there was a better way to handle that situation.
I’m even learning that women are different than they were when my version of chivalry would have been accepted. At a bonfire one evening, a group of young women informed me that they were fully satisfied with a toned down version of romance. Modern gentlemen, therefore, do not have to do the kinds of things that I was raised to believe would make a woman happy.
For example, men of today feel that the purchases that flatter a woman are jewelry and flowers, yet medieval history, or the “Golden Age” of chivalry as I like to call it, shows us that men bought women livestock as symbols of their affections. These days it seems like I’m the only one who still finds that tradition appropriate. Which reminds me that to the lucky lady that found a pig tied to her locker this morning, you’re welcome.
I guess what I’m saying is that times have changed, and instead of sitting around complaining about these darn kids and their “music with words in it”, I must adapt. What I used to think was just a bunch of hullabaloo and tomfoolery has now turned into the social norm.
So now every time I have the urge to talk down to someone that doesn’t know what part of France Merlot Vin de Pays de l’Ardeche comes from, or petition the administration to make public humiliation a form of punishment once again, I stop and remind myself to modernize. Though I still believe that if you’ve never witnessed a young madam’s scream of joy after finding a herd of cows in her room, your life has been nothing but hootenanny.
No comments:
Post a Comment